I found your blog thanks to a certain someone.
At one point,
wasn't my blog named
"Her Circumstances" ?
Or something to that effect...something Kare Kano themed
And seeing that title..
well
it made me feel...something.
I can't exactly describe what it is
but it's something with
a bit of happiness in knowing,
understanding,
and that oh so familiar
tinge of sadness
I tend to feel around you
because it's always felt like
you don't care about me
as much
as I care about you.
You don't know it,
but there are times you've made me feel
completely
invisible.
Do you still read this blog?
I know you did a couple times at least...
Did you know..
you still probably have
the most blog post labels?
Okay, so maybe it has something to do
with the fact that I don't label all my posts
but still...
I write about you a whole heck of a lot.
It's because
you're a pretty important person
in my life,
I think.
Even though
I think
you've lost the ability
to see the pain in my eyes.
Maybe I've gotten better at hiding it.
But I still think
you've lost your touch.
I guess I only have myself to blame.
But actually
I do that a lot.
Still...
whenever I invite you somewhere,
you can never come.
Either you're busy
or you have
someone else
to hang out with
at that time.
I jokingly told you
that I was mad at you
and I know you knew I wasn't mad
but
I really was
hurt.
Do I really have to be the one
to come to you
when I wanna hang out?
I sought you out
4th period
You told me
you had a meeting at lunch.
Fine.
That I understand...
At lunch, I see you.
Some girl is crying,
you talk to her.
Fine.
I understand that too.
I put my head down on the table.
I cry.
I look up,
eyes tinted red,
and see you
No meeting?
Okay.
But the least
you could've done
was
say hi.
But no I didn't even get that.
Your excuse?
You friend was crying.
Yeah
of course
I know
but I was too.
Not that
you ever notice
anymore.
Why didn't you at least
try to find me
when you figured out
that you didn't have a meeting?
It wouldn't have been hard..
I was sitting RIGHT THERE.
Right at the table,
right by you.
You stood me up on that "date" too.
Do you know what I wanted to tell you about?
I wanted to tell you about
one night
at the hotel
up at Berkeley
when I woke up,
crying practically hysterically.
I was so loud and
I might have even been sleep talking
because
it woke up
both my parents
and Maria.
It took me a while to even realize
what had happened
and what was going on
but I
couldn't get back to sleep after a while
and I desperately
wanted to call you
and hear your voice
and make sure
you were okay.
Because I had a night mare
about you.
You
were leaving
leaving me
crying and screaming
and begging you
not to leave.
I won't say
everything here.
Come ask me
if you ever really want to know.
And if you
forget my birthday
again this year...
Well...
I doubt you will
because
someone actually cared enough to wrap my locker this year
and I still have yet to get my birthday crown...
and someone has actually cared enough
to throw me a party
and of course,
your on the invite list...
I doubt you can forget
after all that...
But then again
last year
you did forget
and didn't say
a thing
when I saw you at dance class
and told Tiffany about how
I had gotten a camera for my birthday.
Just
please don't forget.
Things are changing now..
I hope that will let me
get to spend a little
more time
with you
But of course
that's only if
you even
want to.
Labels: Chris
